Unwanted Heat

Nicholas

“I can’t do this anymore, Nicky.” Mommy’s crying again. She’s always crying.

“It’s okay, Mommy. Don’t cry,” I beg her.

“It’s not okay, it’s never okay. Get in the tub, Nicky.”

I don’t want to make her cry again so I get in the bathtub but the water is too hot. When I cry out she slaps me across the cheek.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s too hot, Mommy.”

“No it’s not, get in the god damn tub.”

“Mommy,” I sob but do as she tells me.

I don’t want to make her mad again; last time she was mad, she locked me in my bedroom and I didn’t eat all day. The water turns my skin red and it hurts, but I don’t cry. I can’t make her mad again.

“I’m sorry I’m not the Mommy you need, Nicky.”

“You’re my mommy.” I don’t understand what she’s saying.

“But I’m not a good Mommy Nicky.”

“You are-”

“No, I’m not: I yell at you too much, the apartment is always dirty, I never have enough money for food, I… I lost my job again. We’re going to lose this apartment Nicky, we’re going to be homeless.” “Homeless?” I don’t know what that means.

“Homeless; the man who owns this place says we have to move out of here by tomorrow.”

“Where will we go Mommy?”

“That’s what being homeless means, Nicky, we have nowhere to go.”

“But where will I go to sleep? Where is my bed going to be?”

“It doesn’t matter Nicky, after today, nothing is going to matter.”

“Mommy?”

“Why don’t you lean back so I can wash your hair?”

I lay on my back and close my eyes, but when Mommy doesn’t do anything I look up to find her staring at me. She has a funny look in her eyes, she smiles at me just before she puts her hand on my chest and pushes down. My face goes underwater! She knows I don’t like having water in my eyes. Why did she push me underwater? I try and try to push her hand away but she’s too strong.

FUCK! I wake up sweating with my blankets thrown off the bed; I can’t seem to catch my breath and my body is shaking. This nightmare is always the worst; I’ll never forget that day. I’ll never be able to rid myself of that memory. Most days though I can keep myself from remembering it but then this fucking nightmare comes and brings it right back to the surface. The clock next to my bed lets me know it’s barely three in the morning, once again too fucking early to wake up Carter and go for a run. I know there’s no point in trying to go back to sleep tonight; there’s no way I will be able to close my eyes and not picture that bathroom. I weigh my options as to what the hell I can do at this hour of the morning. I doubt I can get any real work done so there’s no point in even trying. I can at least recognize that it’s not safe for me to go running in the middle of the night without Carter so that’s also out. I decide to head to the gym downstairs and hit the treadmill to see if that helps. It isn’t ideal, but at least it’s something.

I throw on a shirt and head down to the gym; I’m not worried about not telling Carter because after he realizes I’m not in the apartment he will check the building’s security feed and see that I didn’t leave the building. The gym is empty which is not a real surprise given this time of the morning and really I prefer it this way. I put my ear buds in and start the playlist on my phone before setting the speed on the treadmill. I immediately lose myself in the rhythm of running and thankfully my thoughts begin to fade away from that horrible day so many years ago.

After an hour, I finally feel like my head is clear enough to start my day. I slow the treadmill down to a walk and look around me. The gym itself is still empty but there is one woman swimming in the indoor pool that the gym overlooks. It only takes me a brief second to recognize the beautiful woman swimming is no other than Kenzie. I’m surprised to see her in the pool at four o’clock in the morning.

I know she is off today from the bakery so that isn’t the reason she is awake this early. I find myself worrying that she has also had a nightmare and that is the reason she is in the pool this early. The idea of her having a nightmare like the one she did when I was sick bothers the hell out of me; my gut clenches as I remember her screaming and how she kept apologizing, begging her ex to stop hurting her.

Without giving it a second thought, I jump off the treadmill and head out of the gym. When I get to the elevator instead of punching in the security code for the penthouse, I enter the access code for the pool. I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding when I see that Kenzie is still swimming laps in the pool and hadn’t left before I could get here. I sit at the edge of the pool with my feet in the water and watch her swim. I don’t know why I’m here; I don’t know what I’m going to say. It’s like I’m drawn to her or some shit. It’s the same feeling I had last night after listening to the fucking rules her ex made her follow. I’ve never heard of someone having rules for their fiancee like that. I could see cautioning her about certain topics that could be a hot button for someone at a business dinner, but limiting what she could drink and choosing what she wore?

When she was describing it last night on our way back home, all I wanted to do was destroy the fucker who did that to her. He fucked with her so much so that even more than two years later, she still doesn’t allow herself to have more than one drink when she is out with someone and I doubt that she even realizes she is still following his rule about that. Our car ride back last night also made me realize how little Kenzie thinks of herself. She honestly does not see the wonderful person she is; she wouldn’t admit that she deserve better than the asshole who used to hit her. How the hell does she not see that? Hell, even I know I’m not good enough for her!

“Nicholas! You scared me!” Kenzie finally comes up from the water and sees me sitting there. I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting here watching her swim back and forth and I’m kind of embarrassed.

“I was in the gym and saw you swimming down here. What are you doing here so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” she shrugs, as if not wanting to admit the real reason she is down here at this hour. “What about you? Why were you in gym this early?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” I smirk, repeating her vague answer. “Touche,” she laughs.

“You like to swim?”

“I was on the swim team in high school for a little while; before I moved… came here I hadn’t been swimming in years. I forgot how relaxing it is.”

When she gets out of the pool I nearly groan; she’s wearing the bathing suit I had purchased for her last weekend when we spent the day on the boat. She walks past me, over to the lounge chair where she had a towel waiting. I watch, almost fascinated, as she dries the dripping water off her body. I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to lick each drop of water off her.

“Nicholas?” Thankfully, Kenzie pulls me from my naughty thoughts before my dick decides to make them obvious to her.

“Sorry, I have a big meeting this morning I was thinking about,” I

lie.

“I asked if you wanted to come back to the apartment for some breakfast? But if you have a meeting…”

“No, breakfast would be nice. Let me run up to my place to change; I’m kind of sweaty from the treadmill.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes?”

“Sure. Thank you Kenzie.”Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.