Thirty-One
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“You’re pushing me away to another woman?” I asked her. I won’t rest until I know whether she was serious or not.
“I was simply telling you that what had happened to us will never happen again.” she replied.
“Why, because of that doctor? You agreed to marry me so you better stay away from him!” I yelled at her and I saw her massage her temple. I was worried for her but I am angry too. “What’s wrong with us sleeping together? Is that how disgusted you are to me?” I asked again. I don’t see any reason why she didn’t want to.
Does she only make up excuses about her health that she can’t stay in my room? “Can you just leave first? I wanted to rest because I was feeling tired. If not for someone calling me out, I would have been sleeping and resting the whole afternoon. So please, can you give me this and let’s just talk later.” she said, trying to be calm.
“Why can’t you yell at me if you’re feeling mad, why don’t you express your feelings?” I asked, I am not going to stop unless I heard answers from her.
“Jared, I am sick. I already told you that. I can’t get angry or be too happy. So please, just this once, leave me alone.” She said looking at me straight in my eyes. I wanted to follow her, but I needed to know what was going on with her.
“Rest if you like, but I am going to stay here. Go to bed now and I am not going to talk.” I told her. I didn’t want to leave her alone and I don’t know why. “Go, I won’t do anything.” I added. She was still staring at me, but maybe she was really feeling tired, so she went to her bed and lay down and didn’t argue anymore.
I stayed in her room, which is our room now. I called earlier and told Betty to bring the boxes of clothes in my bedroom to Colleen’s. We haven’t seen each other for a week because I wanted her to submit and stay in my bedroom but days have passed but she’s still not making any move so I decide earlier to transfer to her room than her to mine.
When I saw her talking happily with that doctor, I felt envious of him. Somehow I thought that we could have been talking that way too. I changed into my house clothes and sat beside her on the bed. When she wakes up, I am going to talk to her about us and our marriage. I wanted a normal married life and since she is my wife, I should have accepted that from the very beginning.
I believe that I am at fault, now that I feel something towards her I am more eager to end our hated relationship. I didn’t notice that I slept as well and when I woke up, Colleen was still sleeping. I noticed that she looks paler than before, I touched her face exactly the time that she woke up which made her eyes widened.
“Stay, I already told you that I am not going to do anything to you.” I told her and I can see that she relaxed a bit. “You slept long.” I told her.
“I wasn’t sleeping until you sleep.” she replied. All those times that I had been watching her she was awake as well.
“Why didn’t you talk to me instead?” I asked.
“I told you I wanted to rest.”
“Did you rest well?”
“Yeah, I feel better now.” she replied and I sighed.
“How did you get sick?” She smiled and couldn’t look at me. “What’s funny?” I asked her.
“The reason why I was sick.” she replied. “I ate a lot before. I am one of those lucky people who doesn’t gain weight even if they eat a lot without exercise or anything to prevent us from getting fat. I love oily foods, maybe because I used to work in a fast food restaurant before that’s why.” she said.
“You grew up by yourself?” I asked, now I am interested in knowing everything about her. She sat up and had her back on the headboard.
“My parents separated and they had their own family so I live by myself. I work and study at the same time. I wanted to finished college in belief that I won’t be able to have the kind of family that I had and promised myself that no matter what happened, I am not going to let my husband do all the works to earn for us and at the same time, I was decided to continue working so we won’t lack with money.” she replied.
“What does lack of money have to do with everything?” I asked. I have been rich since I was born and got everything I wanted so I don’t understand why many have problems with it while others lack it as well but still happy.
“Because we lack it, my parents were fighting since I was eight and when they thought that they couldn’t stand it anymore they divorced each other.” she replied and I couldn’t say a thing about that.
“You’re illness?” I asked.
“I already told you that it was because I love oily foods.” she replied.
“You have a heart problem?” I asked to confirm what I had thought and she nodded. So that was the reason why she didn’t want to stay in my bedroom, because it was on the second floor and it will be too tiring for her if she will. “Then it’s settled. This will be the master’s bedroom from now on.” I said, referring to her bedroom.
She looked at me with wide eyes, still couldn’t believe my decision. “Please don’t object anymore. From now on, we will try to live as husband and wife.” I told her and I didn’t hear anything from her. I looked at her and I found her looking down, unhappy. Is it that hard for her to accept me?
“Don’t get me wrong,” she said, “I want to try too. From the beginning of our marriage, I already told myself that if you will agree, I am willing to cooperate and make our marriage work. You telling me this now was surprising but I am glad that it came from you but I was afraid of what was going to happen after.” she said, still had her head down.
“We will try it, no we will do it. We are already married and I think everything will be OK now that we are talking to each other.” I told her and she nodded. “Good, don’t worry too much because it is not good for your health.” I added.