The Alpha Can’t Sense His Mate

ZADOK’S POV

“I am not Ithra!”

“Are you stalking me?”

“I’ll say this once, so listen to me carefully.”

“I am not your mate. You’ve got the wrong person. Enough of these games and let this be the last time you appear in front of me or even touch me that hand of yours!”

“If you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be.”

Her words played in my head in an endless loop.

I returned to the party with a cold look and didn’t bother to sit down. “Let’s go,” I ordered and began my walk out of the darned place.

Coming here was a mistake. What did I expect? That she’ll run into my arms like the mate I lost three years ago? Pfft. I needed to leave.

I walked out of the party knowing all eyes were on me. The last thing I wanted was to give Cole another thing to gloat about. In fact, he already had something to gloat about.

“Zadok! What’s going on?” That was Azriel.

I would have given him shit for saying my name without an ounce of respect if I wasn’t so upset. But I didn’t have the strength. I had nothing. I was nothing. I needed to go.

I didn’t give him an answer. What was I supposed to say to him? How do I explain the pain in my heart? The rude awakening I’d faced. I entered the car and we drove back to the pack in silence.

Azriel started as soon as the office closed behind me. “What happened? How did it go? Why would you leave like that?”

There are many questions but not enough answers.

“Did you meet her? We didn’t even get to see-”

“She’s dead.” I cut him off. “We would not be pursuing the thought of Cole’s mate being Ithra because Ithra is dead.”

Saying it out loud hurt. The truth hurt. But it must be spoken, heard and accepted.

“No-” Azriel started but I stopped him.

“Don’t. I don’t want to hear it.” I got up, “I don’t want to hear any more of your theories or feelings about the darned woman.” I looked him in the eyes. “She might look like her, speak like her, hell, even walk like her but I assure you, she is not her.”

“She isn’t Ithra. It’s high time we accepted it and moved forward. It’s high time I accepted it and moved forward.” I said, taking my seat.

Azriel seemed distraught. “Zadok..”

“I want to be alone, Azriel,” I said without looking at his face. “I need to be alone.”

Azriel stood for a while, contemplating his obedience but finally submitted. “I’ll be outside if you need me.” He said and stepped out of the office.

True to his words, he remained outside, standing guard as I mourned the loss of someone I never had.

“Don’t be stupid, human.” Kir’s voice reasoned and I rolled my eyes at his stellar punchline.

“I don’t need that shit.” I said, “I need time to think.”

“Think about what?” He questioned and I let out a frustrated sigh.

“Now is not the time, Kir.” I gritted, hoping he would get the memo and give up bothering me but no such luck.

“Oh really?” He says, “When’s the time then? When we’ve lost touch with our mate? Or when she’s been claimed by another? Don’t be stupid, human!”

“You know what?” I stood. “You are the stupid one! You can’t seem to let go of a mate you lost in the dark forest! You refused to give her up and allowed the pack to suffer for your selfish desires! Would you continue this madness even after she had so clearly told you she wasn’t our mate?” I asked, breathing fire.

“I understand your pain, Zadok.” It was the first time he called me by my name. “It’s our pain.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s not. We are over this. We’ve moved on. We just need to continue on the right path. Ithra is gone and unless the moon goddess gives us another mate, we will have to choose someone to fill the gap.” I concluded. “I’m over this shit.”

“We both know that’s a lie,” Kir said and I hated that he was right. “As long as she is alive, we can never be over her. So quit trying to spiral and rationally think about why our mate is so hostile towards you.”

“Hostile towards me?” I scoffed, unable to believe the wolf. “Ithra is dead. Calla is hostile because we have been nothing but stalkers who can’t get over the idea of her being our mate!”Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

“Go to Azriel. Listen to what he has to say. You can’t make any decision in this state.”

I felt like the world was out for me. “ITHRA IS DEAD! Do I have to yell it to the world before you understand there is nothing else to do but move forward?!”

“Stop, stop saying that rubbish, human.” I was losing my senses. “Didn’t you feel the bond? It came alive the moment you touched her. I felt it too. But suddenly, she got angry. You must have done something wrong that made her walk away from us.”

I shook my head, refusing to listen to any more of his bullshit. I needed my peace and Kir wasn’t giving me that. I dug into my drawers, looking for the potions I’d stashed there three years ago.

I hoped for my sake that they were still as effective as I knew them to be. I found the potions, shilhi’s potions and I took one out of the stash. This should do for tonight.

“Don’t. Don’t do that!” I heard Kir roar at me but it was too late. I gulped down the poisonous content of the potion and my mind was silenced.

Hating the silence, I took more of the potions, drinking everything till I was out of the supply of poison. The silence plagued me. I was all alone.

I felt my heart prick in pain and my eyes watered. I needed to stop being selfish and truly let her go. I had lost my mate, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

I let myself mourn her one last time, crying myself to sleep. It would mark the beginning of a new season by the time I woke up.