Chapter 19: Responsibility
I don’t know what emotion weighs most after knowing the whole truth from Logan. Regret and guilt are eating me at the same time. How I wish that I didn’t have known the truth because f*ck, it’s damn hurt.
“I suffered from an accident, Alice… it cause me head injury causing me to forget you. But if that didn’t happen to me, hell will freeze first before I could forget you.”
His voice as he says those words are still fresh in my mind. It actually keeps me awake last night the reason why I felt so sleepy and exhausted this early in the morning.
“Hey, Alice!” I lifted my head drowsily at Lyndon who just entered the office. He strode towards my table and then place a cup of coffee. “Coffee to awaken your sleepy soul.” He winked before entering Logan’s office but as I followed him by my gaze, I saw Logan clenching his jaw while eyeing Lyndon like he was his prey.
Sometimes, I couldn’t help but think that he is jealous of his brother but in the end, I always shook that thought away. Yes, he acts so nice to me now. His treatment of me change since he suspected Aisle as his child but it doesn’t mean anything. He is only doing that because of Aisle, because of his child… nothing more, nothing less. Huh, as if I forgot how he compared me that night? In fact, every time I assume that he is jealous of Lyndon, I always forced myself to think of that night. When he called me while he was drunk and then suddenly compared me to Ynez-the love of his life.
“Alice, come here.” I looked inside where I saw Logan staring at my place while speaking on the intercom. I didn’t answer, instead, I went into his office directly.
“Yes, Sir–”
“Logan, damn it, Alice,” he cuts while clenching his fist into tight balls. Lyndon’s chuckle then followed but I ignored it. “How many times do I have to tell you that you should call me Logan? Anyway, go to my car, get the paper bags on the passenger seat and get back in here afterward.” He gives me his car’s key.
“Yes, Sir… I mean Logan,” I said and exit myself.
Just like what he had told me, I went outside the building and then walk into the parking lot where his sporty car parked. I then opened the passenger seat and went confused upon seeing three paper bags from a designer’s brand. I took it out and then hurriedly go back to his office. As usual, as I walked through the hallway, employees’ eyes went on me as I passed them one by one. The attention I am getting is completely new to me but I got used to it since I don’t have a choice. Even though I wanted to avoid the humor spreading around, I can not as Logan trashed all my resignation papers.
“Here are the bags, Logan,” I announced, dropping the bags where Lyndon had just recently sat on.
Logan stood up from his swivel chair and then closed the blindfolds as well as the curtains. He then turned to me and then tugging something out of the bag. My eyes instantly went wide when I saw a designer’s halter dress and then suddenly gave it to me.
Frowning, I asked, “Where is this for?”
“Go, change your clothes.”
“What? Why?!” I asked.
“I needed a date for my cousin’s birthday party, so you need to come with me as my date. Go, change quickly. We will go thirty minutes from now.”
“And what makes you think that I’ll come with you? Find another woman, Logan. I won’t come with you to that party–”
“Yes, you will.” He cuts, pushing me to the comfort room and then shutting the door closed. I even protest from the other side and slammed the door leaf but Logan didn’t listen. Instead, he shouted from outside-telling me I should hurry up.
Rolling my eyes as a sign of my defeat, I slowly take off my blouse followed by taking off my skirt. I then eyed the dress and then bring it to me while cursing at Logan. But my curse stopped when I’ve realized that the dress has a zipper on the back and damn it, I can’t zip it off.
“Logan?” I called while still trying to pull up the zipper.
“Yes?” he answered and then showed at the door later on. As soon as my eyes landed on him, I gulped in with a familiar feeling he always causes me when he was just near to me.
“Can… Uhm… Can you zip my dress off?” I asked, trying so hard not to stutter yet I did.
He strode towards me and with the help of the mirror in front of me, I saw how his eyes burned as he stared at my bareback. “I like your back, Alice,” he confessed, trailing his finger on my spine from my nape to down.
It instantly gives me the voltage of electricity that seems coming from his finger. Biting my lower lip, I forced myself not to let out any sound but even though, I succeeded, my breath still went heavy.
“You like it?” he teased, eyeing my reflection.
“I said… zip it off, Logan…” I trailed.
His lips twitched before pulling me closer to his body with his sharp move. “Tell me that you like it.” He intentionally fans my ear with his minty breath.
“Zip it off.” I gritted my teeth with my eyes pressed tightly. “It’s cold, Logan… zip it off.”
“Liar. You’re not feeling cold, you’re hot, Alice. And do you know why?” He snakes his hand around my waist with a gentle squeeze coming from him.
I loudly cursed inside because of what he is doing. My down there is slowly getting wet and clenching at the same time because of him. Sooner or later, moaning will follow and I hate the idea of moaning while Logan is teasing me.
“Fine, I’ll zip this off. My baby is already flushing and f*ck, Alice! I would love to see that expression while you are in my bed.”
***
“Logan, dude!” I moved one stride away from Logan as soon as a guy with a green eye walked in our direction. Logan didn’t notice what I did because of being busy welcoming the guy with his brother’s hug.
While they were busy talking to each other, I was there, just at Logan’s back while simply roaming my eyes around the whole venue. And then I’ve realized that Logan lied to me while we were in his car earlier. He told me that we will just attend a simple birthday party, no elites around, just a simple one. But with me, standing right at the venue now, I suddenly felt out of place. And the fact that Logan’s status in life is far more different than mine, reality slapped me hard.
Even though I’ll try to fit in just to be fit with Logan, I know, at the end of the day, we’re different. He’s so ideal to be fit in me. For a woman who doesn’t have anything in her life that she could brag about.
“So, who’s this lovely woman with you?” I turned my eyes on the man Logan was talking to and found out that he is now looking at me.
Logan pulled me gently towards him and possessively snakes his arm around my waist which made the guy rose a brow. “This is Alice, my–”
“One of your girlfriends,” the guy cuts Logan’s words. And the way he let those words punch me.
Logan chuckled. His hand squeezed my waist gently. “I am now loyal to one and only girl, Tyler. And you should know that it was her.”
I keep my eyes off from rolling but Logan’s answer is just unbearable for me. I wanted to puke up because of his unbelievable words.
“Woah, so you are telling me that the Logan Ivanov I used to know is now tamed like a puppy dog?”
“Big time.” They both cackled before we walked deep into the party. While walking, I couldn’t help but simply removed Logan’s hand from my waist which he clearly objects to. Instead of losing off his hand, he just tightened the grip and pulled me even closer to him.
“Handoff, Logan,” I whispered, gritting my teeth.
“No,” he replied as we walked towards a table where two men with two elegant women are sitting.
“Logan!” The girl in ref dress immediately leaves her seat just to welcome Logan with her open arm. Watching them hugging each other made me roll my eyes secretly as well as cursing Logan for giving me a false hope on what he just said earlier too that Tyler boy.
“Nice to see you too, Emily.” Logan pulled a chair for me and that attracts the eyes of the four people sitting with us.
Emily’s eyes even squinted at me which is totally awkward so to avoid that feeling, I simply take away my eyes from her. The party goes on, a not-so-loud melody engulfed the whole venue. And the people at the same table I am with keep on discussing about something I can’t get in. They tackled about business, their personal life, and even the children they both have. As I also listen to their discussion, I found out that Emily and the other woman sitting beside her are both Logan’s cousins and the two guys are their husbands.
“So, how are you after years of mourning? I’ve heard that Ynez’s parents flew back to the states for her death anniversary.”Content rights by NôvelDr//ama.Org.
My throat went dry as soon as I heard Ynez’s name on their topic. I badly want to see Logan’s reaction after hearing her name but I chose not to lift my eyes on him even glance at him. I just don’t want to… I am afraid to see his face, to see the answer on his face.
“Well…” Logan trailed off. “Everyone knows how I love her and how I mourned for her death. But time flew fast and throughout those years, I already accept her death.”
Accept? Then why the hell did he compare me to her last time?
“Do you still fly to the states to visit her?” the other girl named Sharon asked.
“Yes.”
Logan’s answer tore me into two. It feels like a strong hand is grasping my heart, making me hard to breathe.
“Last year, I visited her and her family,” Logan continued and I badly want to shout at them so they can stop talking about her but my mouth remained tightly pressed. I can’t even able to let out a normal breath because of the torture I am experiencing without them knowing it.
I waited for them to stop their discussion and when Emily and Sharon together with their husband finally leave our table for a dance, I took the chance on excusing myself.
“I’ll come with you,” Logan insisted but I shrugged it off.
“I can manage, I won’t take long anyway,” I replied before leaving the table and then walking over to the comfort room I didn’t know where.
And when I reached the comfort room with the help of a waitress, I hastily locked myself in the cubicle at the very end. There, I silently sob with my hands covering my mouth and me sitting on the bowl.
After the party, Logan bid goodbye to his cousin, Tyler, and drive me to the apartment. At his car, we are both eaten in silence. Neither of us broke it until we reached my home.
“What’s the problem?” Logan asked, stopping me from unbuckling my seatbelt.
“Problem?” I asked, trying to sound confused even there is already a hint for me. “I don’t have a problem. How about you?”
“Drop the act, Alice, you know what I am talking about. Why are you keeping on distancing yourself from me at the party? Why are suddenly acting so cold to me?”
“It’s just your imagination, Logan.” I chuckled.
“Are you jealous?” he asked, stopping me again from what I am doing.
I laughed humorlessly but deep in that laugh is my answer I am hiding. “Jealous of whom? And why would I even get jealous? We both know why you’re here on my side. It’s not because you meant what you say at the party earlier but rather, it was because of Aisle. For Aisle and your responsibility as her father, I am right?”
Logan’s expression suddenly turned into a blank one. He then grips tightly on the wheel and twitches a lip. “Yeah, you’re right… I am here for my responsibility. Nothing more, nothing less.”