Chapter-60. The stare
[Xanthea]
Goosebumps zapped through my body as Ezra's words sent an intense ripple of heavy gravity across the crowd, unleashing a storm within me.
His protective arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer and closer into a possessive embrace.
Ezra's growl echoed in my mind repeatedly.
'Bow before the High Lady of the Infernal Pack!'
Yet, I still couldn't believe my ears.
Despite knowing it was a lie, I never expected him to introduce me as the High Lady of the Infernal Pack. The title, the rank - it was all beyond my wildest imagination. Even if it was merely a con, I didn't deserve to be the High lady.
But when I looked into his eyes, seeking his usual playful deception and chaotic carefreeness, all I found was unshakable conviction and sheer sincerity. There wasn't a hint of doubt or second thoughts on his face, not even a single wrinkle in contradiction to his words.
His lie was so convincing that for a moment, I almost believed he truly meant what he said.
As I took in a heavy breath, my eyelids fluttered low, my heart thundering in my ears.
Ezra stood strong beside his declaration before the gathering.
I clenched my fists. The man standing beside me had his own burdens to carry, burdens too heavy for his own shoulders. He had no obligation to help me in any manner. Still, he was standing beside me and that, for some unknown reason, filled my cold chest with a fire I had never felt before.
Although he might have referred to me as the High lady impulsively, it was my responsibility to uphold the integrity of his words and the honor of this rank.
Taking a steadying breath, I straightened my spine, gathering my composure and turned to face the Virgo pack.
I could feel the weight that threatened to crush me to my knees as all their blazing scrutiny bore down on me.
They didn't say it in words, but from the disgusted looks on their faces, it was clear: they wanted me to lower my gaze, to bend and bow before them, to stay below them. The eyes that screamed how superior they were to me, a reminder of how small, inferior and worthless they considered me.
I blinked weakly and was about to lower my gaze when, out of the blue, Raven's words rang in my mind.
'The only ones you need to bow before are your husbands. No one else. Get that in your head.'
'You have created a soul pact with us. That means something. That makes you something.'
My chest felt tighter than before, but in a way that helped me steel my heart.
I felt a sense of unfathomable security and liberation rising from within. It was exactly how I felt when I was close to Asher. It almost felt as though Asher was nearby.
I couldn't decipher the origin of the strength within me, but it stopped me from cowering under the intimidating glares.
I looked at Ezra.
I might still not have an identity of my own to be proud of, but I was the demon lords' wife, and that was an identity I wanted to wear with pride and flaunt, even if it lasted for a year.
If my time with them was limited, I wanted to make the most out of it. I quickly blinked away the mist in my eyes.
As stupid as it might sound, I wanted to... love them.
Asher.
Raven.
Ezra.
A small ache throbbed in my chest amidst the armor the triplets' presence had soldered around me.
Yes, I knew what it meant.
Yes, I knew they didn't need my love.
Yes, I knew the consequences.
But I wanted to do it, anyway.
People say one-sided love is the most painful kind, but stopping myself from loving them was even more agonizing. Ezra told me I could let go of everything I was holding back today, so maybe I'll let go of these restraints on myself as well. I knew they would never reciprocate my love. They might break my emotions into some games, but I wanted to love them with all my heart.
I didn't just crave to be loved; I wanted to love. And out of the two, loving someone secretly would be definitely less excruciating than begging to be loved.
Ezra looked at me as I contemplated him. The rage in his eyes flickered to something soft that made my heart skip a beat.
I smiled faintly.
I could love them and keep it all locked in my heart. Their hearts didn't have to know.
I know the circumstances that brought all of us together weren't good. I still had so many questions I wanted to ask them.
But the first time I felt welcomed and cared for was with them. The first time someone cared about my dreams was with them.
'Today, you'll stand not equal, but above them... as my wife.'
And this was the first time someone had stood up for me, someone had tried to understand me, help me, protect me even though it meant putting themselves in unnecessary trouble. It would be unfair and disrespectful to them - to Ezra if I cowered now.
In fun or feelings, Ezra had deemed me worthy of the High lady's title. I had to honor it with all the strength I could muster.
I lowered my gaze before Ezra. Clenching my jaws, I glared back at those degrading eyes.
All their eyes narrowed with shock and disbelief.
A proud smirk spread across Ezra's face, and he held his head a little higher, as though what I did had somehow elevated his status and bolstered his strength.
I was an omega with a soul pact with three of the most powerful alphas in all the three realms. I don't know what that made me. But it clearly made me something more than just an omega.
I was no longer bowing before people who didn't deserve it.
The Alpha King glanced at me. He contemplated me with impassive eyes before he lowered his gaze and bowed before me. All the sneers of the members of the Virgo pack turned into a begrudging acceptance.
I heard a few of them grit their teeth before they forced themselves into a bow before me.
All except one.
Nikolai stood tall with a straight spine, his glare piercing daggers into me.
The silent threat in his eyes made me tighten my grip around Ezra's hand.
Initially, I avoided looking in his direction like I had always done, but this time, I pushed forward a stoic face and even when I could feel the tremble originate in my bones; I ignored the unsettling churn in my guts and stared back into Nikolai's eyes.
As soon as our gaze collided, a chill ran down my spine.
I went numb almost in an instant as I crashed into the shards of memories that still stabbed deep into my chest.
I never dared lift my gaze in front of him and now that I did, it was stifling.
The shock in his wide eyes turned into the creeping hatred. His eyes darkened, and I felt as though a wave of unease had just crashed against me.
I broke into a cold sweat as I became highly conscious of every inch of my body. It was happening again. Under his grim scrutiny, I felt disgusted by my own body.
Every time I wore a dress Nikolai didn't like or even talked to a man by mistake, I would find Nikolai's eyes ripping me naked as though he wanted to tear me apart. One of the most recent memories flashed in my mind.
***
This incident happened right before I moved out of the Virgo palace. I was shifting my stuff into my mother's house.
While I was on my way back to the Virgo palace to get the rest of my stuff, I came across a boy who was almost my age. He asked me for directions and I helped him.
There was nothing more to it and my conversation with that stranger lasted less than a minute, but when I went back to the Virgo palace, I found Nikolai in my room, waiting for me.
He was sitting on my bed and I didn't have to look at him twice to realize he was in a bad mood.
"Who was he?" He inquired.
Confused, I glanced at him.
Playing the video of me talking to that stranger on his phone, he walked to me. I felt my blood curdle in my veins as he towered over me. Nikolai had always been controlling and monitored me closely, but that day I was scared to my core. "Th-this..."
"You haven't even moved out and you are already acting like a whore, sis? Who is he? Your new client? You can't get any other job, so you are selling your body?"Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.
I shook my head, panic rising within me.
"I-I-I was just... giving him the directions."
"Directions to your house?" He tilted his head, bringing his face close to mine. "Nikolai-"
I yelped as he grabbed my shoulder in a bruising grip.
"Don't think just because you are moving out, you can live however you want. Do you think you have got a free ticket to ruin the royal family's image? Your every inappropriate action will lead to consequences, sis." He growled. I remembered I was trembling so badly that I couldn't even explain myself to him. Not that it would be of any help.
He let go of my shoulders.
"You are not allowed to talk to other men. You aren't even allowed to look at them. Be mindful of what you wear so that no man looks at you. Do you understand?" He glared at me and I nodded.
My mouth dried up within seconds when he let go of my shoulders. I thought he would leave, but he locked the door from inside.
"Your punishment for today's offense is still due, sis." He took off his belt and wrapped it around his fist.
"No... I am sorry. I am sorry, Nikolai. It won't happen again. Please. Please don't do this," I begged, stepping away from him. "I am sorry."
"This is so that you remember to behave. A lesson that will keep you in your limits even when you are away from the royal family," he clutched my tear-stained chin. "Now, face the wall and stand against it." "Please, I promise it will never happen again!"
He smiled scornfully, running his tongue across his lips.
"You know what happens when you resist, don't you, my good doll?" His grip tightened on my chin.
"It... only gets worse," I spoke through my hiccups.
"Good doll."
Bracing myself, I did what he said.
The first lash tore through my skin and flesh. The pain from it hadn't even subsided when the next lash landed on my back and then the next and the next and next... until I slumped to the floor.
***
The memory was still just as vivid as it was when it happened. I remembered every single detail, every bit of pain.
Maybe that was the reason it was unbearable, suffocating for me to maintain eye contact with him, when such nauseating memories flashed in my mind.
But no matter how much I panicked from within, I didn't let even a drop of it reflect on my face. Even though I was holding myself back from giving in to the drowning sensation, it didn't mean they didn't affect me. My grip loosened on Ezra's hand. Before I could let go of his hand out of a subconscious fear, his touch vanished from beside me.
My gaze was blurry and unstable as I frantically looked for him.
For a second I thought he left. When my eyes finally found Ezra, he was standing right behind Nikolai with his dark shadowy aura crushing down on Nikolai.
Ezra's swift kick sent Nikolai hurtling forward. Skidding and stumbling, Nikolai crashed to his knees right in front of me.
The air thickened with raw bloodlust, radiating out of Ezra. His eyes glowed blood red as he sauntered closer to Nikolai.
The madness he had in his eyes when he burnt the pack down was back again.
I stood frozen in my place, incapable of even blinking.
"AHHHHHH!"
Nikolai's screech sliced through the tense air.
With an unforgiving force, Ezra's foot crashed into Nikolai's shin with a sickening crack. Ezra's shoes dug into Nikolai's flesh; each stomp followed by bone chilling cracks.
I stood petrified, peering into nothingness as the ugly sound of cracking bones mingled with Nikolai's disturbing screams.
Ezra seized Nikolai's hair, wrenching back his head before he forcefully slammed it into the ground a few inches away from my heels. The ground cracked from the impact. "You disrespected me, I let it slide." Ezra's voice reverberated murderously.
I stood impassively as Nikolai's blood pooled around my red heels.
"But nobody, 'nobody' disrespects my wife!" Ezra snarled.