Book TRK
Chapter 367
367 Uncertainty
367 Uncertainty (Winona)
My heart pounds, and for a second, I can't speak. I look away from the screen, my stomach knotting up, thoughts swirling in my mind. Hall pass week was wild on two occasions.
Yes, there were condoms to start with. But can I be one hundred percent sure after that? No. No, I can't.
"Lisa..." My voice trembles as I force the words out. "I don't know. I don't think I did have unprotected sex, apart from with Jayden. But there's always a chance even with contraceptives..."
The silence on the other end stretches, heavy and suffocating. I watch Lisa's face as she processes what I've just said, her brow furrowing.
She knows me too well, knows when I'm not telling her everything. But how can I even begin to explain this mess? I barely understand it myself. This might get way more complicated. This may tear apart my family for good. Lisa finally breaks the silence, her tone firm and serious. "Winona, you need to find out. If there's even the slightest chance you're pregnant, you need to know who the father is. Or more importantly, who it isn't."
"I know," I whisper, my head spins with the 'what ifs." "But what if..."
"No what-ifs right now," she cuts me off, her voice sharper now. "You need to take a test, Winona. You need to know for sure. And if it's positive... then we'll deal with whatever comes after. We'll handle it. I will fly over right away." She makes it sound so simple, so black and white, but the panic rising inside me is anything but simple. If only this were a straightforward situation. If only I could guarantee who the father would be, if there's even a baby. God, what if there is?
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Tears prick the corners of my eyes, and I blink them back. "I'm scared, Lisa. What if...?"
Lisa's expression softens, but her determination doesn't waver. "You know I've got your back, Winona. Always. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out. You're not alone in this.
I nod and feel the tears roll down my cheeks.
Lisa keeps speaking, "but this is just the word of some crazy old woman right now. So just take a test. Chances are there is no baby to worry about. Okay?"
My throat feels too tight to speak. My mind is racing, spiraling into a storm of possibilities and fears. "I'll do it. I'll check."
I'd give anything to be pregnant again. But I also know, even if I am, carrying to full term is unlikely. Miscarriage is the highest probability. My heart can't take losing a baby.
I don't even care who the father is, it's still my baby and losing it would devastate me.
"Good," she says, her voice gentle now, almost like a balm for my frayed nerves. "Take the test, babe. And remember, whatever happens, I'm right here. We'll get through this."
367 Uncertainty
I manage a small, shaky smile. "Thanks, Lisa."
1 mean it. The second you know, you call me. No matter what time it is."
"I will."
The call ends, and the screen goes dark. I stare at the blank phone, but my mind is far from quiet. In fact, it's louder than ever.
The truth is... I don't know who the father would be. But I do know who it could be.
That information alone can take Jayden and I to the point of no return.
I sit there for a long moment, frozen, my thoughts circling like vultures. I had always assumed that if anything like this ever happened again, Jayden would be the only possible father, He is the man I've had sex with the most and without protection.
Law of averages, right? It makes sense. But my mind keeps going back to those nights... those nights during hall pass week. It was the last hurrah. A time for experimentation and giving in to pure passion. Not love, not anything but the physical side of sex and gratification.
Discovering the heights my body could get to. Uncovering fantasies I never knew existed. Pleasure for pleasure's sake. I've had no reason to dwell on it. Hall pass week served its purpose.
Jayden and I agreed it would never come between us. I can't let it. I have to keep this to myself until I'm sure, and even then, I don't think I can ruin what we have now, Wreck my family.
There's this deep pit of fear in my gut that won't let go. I replay the events of that week in my head, trying to piece together what happened, trying to reassure myself.
We started with protection. I'm know that. Condoms... but alcohol was involved and the details are wild and hazy. I just can't guarantee all the details. I'm not about to go ask the people involved. I mean, I'm not pregnant.
This is all stupid. I can't be.Property © NôvelDrama.Org.
If I am pregnant and it's Jayden's, isn't he going to ask the exact same questions about hall pass week? Do I lie and say I never had sex with another man? Do I find out the paternity and then just not say anything at all, whether it's his or not? Trust and honesty. How can I lie, even by omission?
But then, why would I knowingly break up my family if there is a baby and it's Jayden's. Telling him there's more than one possibility would hurt him. But he's not an idiot, he's going to work that out anyway if the timing lines up.
If I am pregnant and the baby is his, I cannot tell him who the other possibilities were. I can't, because if he knows the man he's the most jealous of, Phillip, and his best friend in the whole world, Lance, are the men I had crazy, uninhibited sex with.... Then our whole world will implode.
365 As Soon As Possible