CHAPTER 126: WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?
We sat at opposite ends of the breakfast table, avoiding eye contact the next morning.
“This is all ma’am.”
“Yes, thank you,” I smiled.
Without facing up, I took up the fork and began digging into the pancake. Kieran did the same. We ate quietly with the silverware against the ceramic dishes as the only sound in the diner. I looked up and caught his eyes on me.
Shit.
I looked away and reached out for the glass just beside the plate.
Maybe I should say something.
But then, what would I say?
Did we have sex?
Yes.
Did I enjoy it?
Very much.
But why then did it feel like a taboo to be intimate with my mate? Maybe it was Kieran. I had checked myself and I was fine with it. The voice in my head grew loud. I couldn’t hear myself chew or the clings of our dishes. There were just voices increasing every second that I tried to shove them away. I needed to speak, to say something to wave off the tension. My throat suddenly felt clogged and the chunk of chewed-up pancake couldn’t pass, I began to choke and so I took a large gulp of water.
Clearly, Kieran didn’t notice that because he was too focused on his pancakes. Or maybe he was buried in his thoughts.
I couldn’t take it anymore. The ache in my heart and pounding in my chest. I didn’t know what pained me more; the fact that we both pretended that something as beautiful as what had happened between us didn’t happen or that Kieran didn’t seem to care.
“Excuse me,” I muttered and pushed myself away from the table making my way towards my chamber.
I thought not seeing his face would make it a lot easier but then, I craved his presence. I had managed to stay in my room for a few hours but then, I needed to see him.
I made my way to the soldier’s training ground. I could hear the clang from the steel even before I got to the doorway, there I stood and watched. Scanning every corner for Kieran. He wasn’t so hard to find. Alex stood beside him.
A lump formed in my throat as I caught Kieran’s eye. I waved for a second. He nodded in return, his gaze lingering on me for a bit before turning back to his soldiers.
What the fuck? He couldn’t even come over.
I just couldn’t bear it; I had come to talk to him not just receiving a nod. I couldn’t bear it anymore. I marched towards them, my steps echoing on the polished stone floor.
“Kieran,” I called out.
“Clara, what are you doing?” He pulled me outside.
“Just checking in, to see how things are going.”
He glanced at me, “Everything’s under control, Clara. Thanks for your concern.”
“Don’t you think you’re being a little dismissive?” I snapped.
He exhaled, “I’m quite busy here Clara. It’s not my intention to dismiss you. Just go I’ll be with you shortly.
“I’m sorry for just coming here unannounced but I’ve just been a little bored with you not being around.”
Kieran’s jaw clenched, “If you’re bored, Clara, find something to occupy your time.”All content is property © NôvelDrama.Org.
His words felt like a slap on my face. If I had stayed a bit longer maybe he would have seen the tears running down my cheek. But I didn’t want that. Without a word, I turned and stormed out of the training hall.
I didn’t know where my feet were taking me, but it didn’t matter. I just needed to put some distance between Kieran and me.
“Hey, I’m sorry.” He tried to hold me but I moved away.
“Leave me alone Kieran and stop following me.”
“Come on Clara, I didn’t mean it like that.”
I didn’t want to hear his voice behind me so I increased my pace and walked into a much-secluded corner hoping he would give up and just go back.
“Hey, come on. Can you just stop walking,” he pulled my arm and pinned me to the wall.
I froze as he leaned close, it was like I could hear his heartbeat against my body. At that moment, time stopped.
Why does he have to make me want him so bad?
“Clara, I-” He tried to speak.
He took a step towards me, but I didn’t move. The hurt was still raw but I didn’t look away. Our eyes met, and for a moment, everything else faded away. The world shrunk to just the two of us, two souls locked in a silent battle of feelings. Then, as if drawn by an invisible force, we lurched towards each other. Our lips met in a kiss that was fierce and desperate.
I sucked on his supple lips, his soft lips brushing against mine was beyond how I had imagined it.
Why does being with him always feel this way?
It was almost like I couldn’t resist him. He took his hands down to my waist and lifted my skirt. At that moment, I was grateful that I didn’t have any panties on. I felt the wetness against my thighs as his hands took up my dress. I hustled to unbuckle his belt and still keep his lips on mine. Then he grabbed my arms and leaned closer. With his arms, he held my leg slightly above and drove his hardness between my already parted thighs. My eyes went all in as I felt him in me. So firm and at a steady pace. I tried to hold in my moans but he wasn’t making that easy for me. How can he be two things at once?”
He held my chin so I looked him directly in his eyes. This was what I longed for. The way he looked at me hardened my nipples. I wanted his lips on them but he had better plans for where his lips would be as he went underneath my things brushing his tongue all over. I groaned and clutched to the wall.
Every bit of me craved for him even more. He held me again as he banged faster. I jammed against the wall moving with his rhythm. My muscles clenched as he increased. I saw the veins around his neck, I knew he was reaching there too.
Fuck, this is good.
“Oh Kieran,” I whimpered. Then he pulled out, we held each other letting out a loud gasp. We found it hard to keep our hands away from each other as the days went on. I knew I was getting attached and he was too. It was good. Everything was finally balanced. The smiles, the stolen glances, moments of intimacy it was real. We had finally found what works for us.
The truth, however, was the constant ache in my chest, a yearning I couldn’t ignore. But admitting to love, was terrifying. I just couldn’t.
The day just like every other day, had started well. Although, I had not seen Kieran for two days. That was enough space and I knew he would be expecting me. I decided to bake a pie. The sweet smell of cinnamon filled the chamber by the time I brought it down for the kitchen. The plan was simple. First, bake something nice then go down to the training ground and bring him here.
With the pie cooling on the windowsill, I set off for the training grounds.
I stood by the doorway as usual. Catching Kieran’s eye, I offered him a small, hesitant smile. And he smiled back.
A good sign.
“Kieran,” I called out, “When do you think you’ll be done?”
He glanced at me, “Soon,” he replied.
“Good,” I said, forcing a brightness into my voice that I didn’t feel. “I have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise?” His brows rose.
“Just wait and see,” I said with a wink, trying to lighten the mood. “It’ll be worth the wait, I promise.”
He chuckled, “Alright, I’ll be there shortly.”
As I turned to leave, a thought came to mind. I hesitated, then stopped by the doorway, about to call out to Kieran.
But then, I heard Alex’s voice.
“Finally admitting you’re in love with her, Kieran? “Letting go of the past is a good thing, you know.”
Kieran scoffed. “There’s nothing to admit, Alex. I don’t have feelings for her.”
What the fuck?
The air whooshed out of my lungs, leaving me feeling lightheaded and dizzy.
It all crumbled around me. The truth laid bare by Alex’s careless words. It was hard to swallow.
Without a word, I spun on my heel and stormed back towards my chamber, tears stinging my eyes. As soon as I reached my room, I flung the door open and threw the pie into the trashcan.
“So much for a kind gesture,” I mumbled folding my arms.
A knock on the door startled me after a few minutes. I wiped my tears hastily forcing myself to take a deep breath before calling out, “Come in.”
The door creaked open. It was Kieran.
“Hey,” I mumbled looking away.
He tried to hold me but I moved away from him.
Such hypocrite.
He composed and stood beside me.
“Clara, you asked me to-”
“It was nothing,” I interrupted, “Just a stupid prank. You can leave.”
His gaze narrowed, searching my face. “A prank? Clara-”
“I said leave!” I snapped.
“Hey, okay fine. I’ll leave.”
He turned and left, the click of the door echoing in the heavy silence.
Alone in my chamber, I sank into the bed. Tears streamed down my face. Had I thrown away any chance we had, all because of my pride? Or was Kieran truly incapable of admitting his feelings, even to himself?