The Wicked Mrs. Gastrell (English version)

It was late when I got home. I stayed the whole day with my family in the cemetery. I also slept for a few hours and when I woke up it was already dark. I opened my phone and found a message from Cholo asking me how’s my day to which I replied with ‘just fine’.

As soon as my car entered the driveway, I was surprised to see how chaotic the front porch is. The lights outside are switched off and the car of Cholo is not properly parked. It seems like he just stopped the engine and just went out. So not the typical him. He didn’t even close the door and just left it open.

I approached the car to close it when my attention was caught by a glinting object that had fallen to the floor of the car. I bent down and picked it up before closing the car door. I lifted the necklace and my eyes widened at what I saw.

The pendant of the necklace is none other than the missing pair of the cheap ring Cholo bought for the two of us.

“He still has it. I thought he threw it away.”

I caressed the ring and placed it on my finger. The two immediately bonded. As far as I can remember, my ring is a magnet that attracts Cholo’s ring. I still remember how he told me that I’m his magnet. According to him, he can’t help but get attracted to me.

I smiled at the memory. “Now where’s that man?”

When I opened the main door, silence greeted me. I went to the kitchen to find someone to ask.

“Ma’am, Sir Cholo came a while ago. He’s upstairs drinking,” answered Stella, who serves as the mansion’s cook.

“He’s been drinking? I see. Thank you.”

I went upstairs to go to the bedroom but my husband was not there. I got dressed first before going straight to the bar area of the mansion on the same floor.

The door is open revealing him sitting on a bar stool with a glass in his hand. On the counter are several empty bottles of liquor, ashtrays, and boxes of cigarettes. His polo was unbuttoned, the sleeves rolled up, and the necktie was on the floor. His face is already red from drinking and his eyes… I can’t explain how hollow and sad they were.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

“Hey,” I said and cleared my throat.

He looked at me from nowhere and slowly raised his glass at me.

“Hey,” he said and brought the wine to his mouth. “Care for a drink?”

I shook my head and walked closer to him. I picked up the necktie from the floor then approached my husband to kiss him on the cheek then I went around the counter and started cleaning up the mess. Cholo just watched me until I finished.

When the last of the bottles was thrown away, I opened another one, got myself a glass, and poured it on our glasses. I went back next to him and sat down at the counter facing my husband who was resting his elbows on the counter by my side while drinking and staring at me.

“Care to share it?” I broke the momentary silence that enveloped us.

He reached out for my face and caressed it gently. “It’s a small thing that I can solve. How about you? Have you bought the land yet?”

We clinked glasses. “Not yet. Our negotiation took longer than I expected.”

“Is that so? Do you want my help?”

I sipped on the glass and shook my head. “Too simple for me to ask for help.”

I can tell that he felt rejected by the way he hurriedly finished his drink.

“Why can’t you at least let me help you, wife? Ask for my assistance sometimes. Call for my name when you can’t take it anymore. Want me. Need me. Make me feel that I can be by your side . Stop doing it all by yourself. I am your partner. Let me be of help,” he pleaded.

For a while, his words prevented me from saying anything. The words he let out were piercing to the bone. I can feel his pain and his sincerity towards me.

I took his hand and placed it on my thigh then took out of my pocket the necklace I picked up from his car earlier. I removed the ring from the necklace and put it on my husband’s ring finger.

“Do you know that I had a crush on you for a long time? The very first time I saw you, I knew that you’d be the subject of my dreams. You just set foot on Cerro Roca that time with your signature flashy car and expensive clothes . You were inside your car by the road and I was on the other side, selling snacks. And then, I saw your smile and it felt like the whole place lit up. My world literally stopped because of you . I also remember imagining that we were getting married and I was putting the ring on you after saying our vows. But I know what I felt for you will just stay in my fantasy. My small pitiful world cannot be compared to yours grand globe. My worn-out hand-me-down clothes cannot fit in your designer classic walk-in closet. I was the inferior one, Cholo.” My eyes twinkled as I looked at the ring on his finger. “Having you in my arms felt like a clichè ending of a drama. It’s a dream come true so how can you tell me that I don’t need and want you? The thought of you helped me wake up every morning in those past painful years. Even though we both know that you hurt me, don’t lie about it, I still can’t stop myself from returning to the fantasy that I wish you could be mine this time. You were one of the reasons why I survived, Cholo. No one can change that fact.”

He clasped our hands together and brought them to his mouth to kiss.

“Then tell me about your past, Karina. Bare it to me, wife. I wanted to understand you so bad. There are questions I’m dying to ask but I’m too afraid to cause you any damage again. It’s true that I have hurt you and I promised to myself that I will never do it again. I promised you and myself that I will bring back your old smile, your real one, your unpretentious one. It hurts me to see you try to smile. It hurts me to see you covering up your true feelings. I feel so worthless because I’m clueless why. Who is causing you to have so many sleepless nights? Why are you looking outside the window as if you’re yearning for something or someone? Do you really want to be here with me?”

I knew for a long time that sooner or later, I would have to face Cholo’s questions. As patient as he is trying to be, I already stretched the thread so high to its breaking point. I drank some wine before answering. I kept looking at our joined hands to gather strength.

“My life… Hmmm let me see. Maybe I really need to tell you my story. It’s long overdue. I know it’s surprising that I suddenly became this well-dressed, educated woman who knows a thing or two from being the ill-educated and ignorant provincial girl you met. My life… I don’t know where to start. It’s sad… tragic and chaotic… and full of surprises. Sometimes happy, always empty. My real family found me. They practically saved me from myself back then. They sent me abroad to study and taught me everything from this harsh life. You can say that they took away my humanity because I wanted them to.”

Wonder and curiosity filled his eyes. He held my hand tighter.

“But why?”

“Because that’s what I thought I needed back then. It’s my only way of surviving.”

“Surviving from what?”

My tears were welling up at that point.

“F-from everything.” My voice trembling and my hands shaking from keeping myself from crying. “From everything I went through, Cholo,” I whispered while letting my tears fall. “That was the only way I see to somehow survive each day. I have to be numb to continue living. I-I have to be emotionless to be able t-to…”

He rose up from his seat and embraced me, his hands stroking my back in a tender manner.

“Stop talking already. I get you. I understand you. Hell, I promised myself never to make you cry but here I am breaking it again. I’m sorry, wife. I’m sorry, Karina.”

He kissed my head and repeatedly soothed me with his comforting words while I closed my eyes and let myself take relief in his arms.

This is the reason why I don’t want to tell Cholo about my past as much as possible. It will only create conflicting feelings that may affect my judgement in the future. I haven’t even disclosed the reasons why and yet I’m being so weak before him. How much more when I have to break it all to him while also tearing him in the process.

Everything is uncertain up to this moment but what I know to be inevitable is that neither of us will be the same again after this. For one, I will walk away from here twice as broken as I am before.