A Hidden Pain
BRIANNA’S POV
“Can…can I please come in?” His voice was fragile. Shaking. Hurt. And his creamy gaze, trying to avoid mine. This was his castle. He didn’t have to beg me to come inside. I just wished it wasn’t at a time like this. He could see the luggage I kept by the side of the bed and find out I was about to leave.All content © N/.ôvel/Dr/ama.Org.
In the past, I’d often been the one hesitant to meet his gaze, my nerves always getting the best of me. But now it was the other way round. It was obvious something was wrong. His anniversary party was still going on outside. And yet he came into the castle, wanting to come into my room unannounced.
“Yes, you can,” I muttered as I made way for him, biting hard on my lower lip. Praying that he wouldn’t see the luggage.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he buried his face into his palms, raking his perfectly curled hair into a mess.
Seizing that chance, I tried to slide the luggage beneath the bed, but his head shot up, catching me off guard and causing me to freeze in place.
“Just how could she think of doing such a thing to me,” he groaned and lowered his head to his palms again.
He bore a hidden pain, a weight I could sense in the air. Yet, today was meant to be a day of happiness for him and Catherine. A day they were meant to renew the vows they made to each other on the altar. How could he be in such a state at a time like this?
Stepping away from the edge of the bed, I approached him. As I settled close to him, my heart seemed to press harder on an imaginary accelerator, the rhythm quickening at lightning speed. Being close to him always made my defence crumble. It peeled off every layer of armour I had on. It left me helpless.
Despite the rush of emotions, I battled with an overpowering urge to keep myself in check. Reluctantly, I rested a comforting hand on his shoulder, my heart involuntarily pushing harder. I gulped, deep breathing silently.
“What’s the problem, Sebastian?”
Raising his head, his gaze met mine. They not only glistened with moisture. But also with pain so raw it overshadowed him. They were no longer the vibrant, sharp, assessing eyes I used to know. They were sad. Almost dark like midnight. As cold as ice.
When he narrated the story of his late parents to me in that garden, I saw a soft side of him. A side of him I never thought existed. Yet, the side of him I was seeing now was more intense, a depth of emotion that seemed to cut through to his very core.
“We’ve shared years,” he lamented, his voice heavy with sorrow as he shifted his gaze from me. “Three meaningful years. Yet, she never for once told me she was taking those pills. If I hadn’t found out this night, she might have kept it hidden from me forever.”
“What pills?” I asked.
“The birth control pills?” His words hung heavy in the air as he breathed out in frustration. “I’m so confused. I just don’t get it. I don’t get why she’ll do this to me knowing how desperately I wanted to become a father. We even visited several hospitals thinking there was a medical problem with either of us. I didn’t know that her and those pills were the problem.”
“Maybe she had her reasons,” I shrugged, scolding myself for saying that out loud. The last thing I wanted to do was defend Catherine. What she did was wrong and condemnable. But I couldn’t just keep calm. I needed to say something. Anything. If Sebastian was like this because she kept such a thing from him. Then how will he feel when he finds out she’s cheating on him with that womanizer jerk – Ken Johnson? That’ll surely shatter him into a million pieces. “Maybe she isn’t… ready to be a mother.”
“What do you mean?” He turned his attention to me.
“Um… you…you know,” I stammered, struggling to find the right words that would calm him down and make him feel better. The words that he needed to hear. “The journey of motherhood can be really tough. Some women find it kind of scary. You’ve got a fellow human growing inside you, and there’s the swelling, feeling sick, and all that. But hey, don’t get me wrong, being pregnant is actually amazing. It’s like one of the best things to happen to a lady. I’m just saying, she needs some more time and your support.”
“But I have given and shown her all the love and support in the whole world,” he said, looking confused.
“Give her more. Show her more. Tighten the connection between you two. Make her feel that you’re an inseparable part of her. To make it simpler, make her feel like she isn’t the only one carrying that child in her,” I didn’t know what came over me as I pulled closer to him and grabbed his hands, pressing them firmly. They were so warm. So soft I didn’t want to let go.
His gaze fell into mine, delving deeper than ever. His eyes returned to the usual magnetic, assessing, sharp, compelling eyes I used to know. They became warm again. My lips shivered with a thoughtful smile as I stared at him. I was glad he was feeling better.
“I think you’ll make a very good mother,” the warmth of his smile echoed in his voice. “Tell me, would you like to become a mother someday?”
I got lost in thinking about how to answer him. I remembered the time I spent with Hermes’s doctor in his castle hospital. He had asked me the same question back then.
*****
After Hermes had given me that heavy bout that sent me drifting into darkness, I thought and hoped that darkness was eternal. That I won’t wake up again. That I won’t make it. But my eyes slid open and I found myself on the castle’s hospital bed again. No matter how severe or brutal his punishment was, I always made it. I always survived. But it sent an electricity of fear racing down my entire body to know that one day…I might give up.
The castle’s hospital was quite odd. It wasn’t really like a proper hospital. It was just a big room with some beds in rows. Some shelves and tables held bottles with strange liquids and pills.
“How are you feeling?” A familiar masculine voice asked.
Shifting my gaze, I saw the doctor. He was wearing his work clothes, like a white coat, and holding a tray with a glass of water and medicine. He seemed to be getting younger every day like he was drinking some magic potion. Those eyes of his were unfathomable. And housed a secret deep within them. A secret I wanted to know. But still cannot know.
“Better now,” I muttered as I sat up on the headboard of the bed. Even though my head was still throbbing from the impact of the blow.
“Good,” he said, dropping the tray on a small table beside the bed. “Now take this,” he reached out, handing me the medicine and glass of water.
“No,” I recoiled, my brows drawing together in an agonized expression. “What is it?”
Retracing, he sighed and shook his head. He was looking at me like a disappointed father looked at his stubborn child.
“Tell me?” He asked. “Do you wish to get pregnant or worse become infected with an STI? Do you want to become a mother in your condition? In this kind of place?”
The way he said it made me feel kind of bad. I lowered my head, tears already welling up and stinging my eyes. The last thing I wanted was to become pregnant for Hermes and nurse my child in this hellhole. Just thinking of it made my skin crawl so badly. And I also knew Hermes wouldn’t want that either. His ruthless, psychotic behaviour was enough to tell me he hated anything marriage and children.
“Of course, I don’t,” I whispered with a tear-smothered voice.
“Good,” he said. “Then take this.”
I collected the medicine and took it down with the glass of water with immediate effect. After I was done, he took it back and laid it on the tray, ready to leave.
“Get some rest. You’ll feel a lot better and will be taken back to your chamber in no distant time,” he offered me a dry, forced smile before leaving.
Quietly, I laid back on the bed, still in thought of what he asked me. Turning to my side, something caught my attention.
There was a scalpel on the small table beside the bed where he had kept the tray. I knew it wasn’t there before. He never for once left a sharp object within my reach and always made sure to take them away after he was done using them. Had he left it on purpose?